Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
