maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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