I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
