You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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