I'm really into asian looking animals
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
