I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
