I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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