At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
