how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
