Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
