It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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