Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
