I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
