I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
