I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
