There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
