Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
