White coat. Heels.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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