And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
