after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
