alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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