the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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