hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
