I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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