I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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