I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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