I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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