Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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