how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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