You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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