hell yes lets make some ravioli
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
