I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
