she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize