i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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