Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
