Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
