Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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