I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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