We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize