3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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