i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize