no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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