I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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