i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
