im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just tell him i said nine months
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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