is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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