Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize