We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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