You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
