haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
