we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
