I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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