She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
