So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
