I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
