We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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