I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
