lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
