for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
