At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
