Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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