I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
