Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
