these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize