perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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