Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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