it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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