I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
