At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
