I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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