The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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