it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
