His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
