There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
