road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
