I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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