Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize