i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
