the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
