dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
