I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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