Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize