Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
