For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
