Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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