The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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