dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
