she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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