so that wasnt chicken after all
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
